Guest Blogger: Katy Enclade, Executive Director, Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions
A former egg donor and surrogate with two decades of industry experience, Katy Encalade is on a mission to bring first-class service to the world of family-building, with a focus on transparency and authentic relationships. Under her mindful and collaborative leadership as Executive Director, she successfully combined two programs, “Egg Donor Solutions” and “Surrogate Solutions” to become a leading agency, built on real-world experience and true connection. Together, Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions has created over 2,000 happy families around the world today and is celebrating 18 years of industry impact. Katy most recently completed her term as Board Chair of the Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy (SEEDS) after four years serving on the Board of Directors. Katy’s fierce commitment to raising the standard for ethics and education inspires us all.
When people hear they need a surrogate to have a child, their minds often jump to the practical pieces: who is who in this process, the financial, medical appointments, medication schedules, contracts, and legal details. Those things matter, but if that’s all we focus on, we miss the heart of what’s really happening. At Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, we’ve seen time and again that the emotional journey is just as complex and just as important to talk through and navigate as the medical and legal ones.
For intended parents, this road rarely begins without loss. Many come to surrogacy after years of fertility struggles, miscarriages, or the painful realization that carrying a pregnancy themselves may never be possible. With that backdrop, it’s only natural that emotions like grief, guilt, or even fear surface. We hear parents say they feel a sense of loss of control—that they long to know every detail of the pregnancy, to experience the kicks and cravings themselves, to carry the baby they already love. Others quietly grieve the picture of parenthood they once imagined, while still others wrestle with guilt: Am I asking too much of another woman? Am I placing a burden on her shoulders?
These emotions don’t make intended parents weak or ungrateful; they make them human. Our role is to remind them that it’s okay to hold space for both gratitude and grief, joy and loss. We encourage honest conversations, we connect parents with others who have walked this same road, and we help them find ways to feel involved and present even when they’re not the ones physically carrying the pregnancy.
The gestational carriers who step into this journey also carry their own layers of emotion. While many are motivated by joy, generosity, and a deep desire to help another family, they, too, face moments that aren’t always talked about. How do they balance boundaries with their own families? How do they explain this experience to their children or their family? How do they process the physical and emotional shifts that come after delivery, when it comes to healing, hormones, will they pump breastmilk for the baby? These are not small questions. Too often, the focus is only on the medical health of the carrier, but we know emotional health is just as critical. We work hard to ensure carriers feel cared for in both body and mentally.
We often talk about the importance of building community during this process. No one should walk through fertility struggles or surrogacy alone. We encourage families to get involved, share their stories, join our support groups, and connect with our team—many of whom have personally experienced this journey themselves. Community is found both here, within Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, and in your close circles of family and friends who can walk alongside you. Of course, community can also be complicated. Sometimes loved ones don’t fully understand and their comments, even well-meaning ones, can sting. Sometimes intended parents and carriers have different communication styles—one family may long for weekly updates while a carrier feels more comfortable sharing milestones. Part of our role is to help bridge these differences, creating a community of trust, respect, and encouragement where everyone feels supported and valued.
In addition to emotional support and open communication, the escrow process can also play a meaningful role in easing some of the emotional weight of surrogacy. By managing all financial transactions through a neutral third party, escrow helps protect both intended parents and gestational carriers, ensuring that compensation, medical expenses, and reimbursements are handled transparently and fairly. This structure allows everyone to focus less on the logistics of money and more on the relationships and trust being built. Knowing that the financial side is secure and responsibly managed can bring a deep sense of peace, helping both parties feel supported and respected throughout the journey.
And while it’s true that intended parents aren’t the ones physically pregnant, their bodies often don’t seem to know that. Their minds and hearts are so intertwined with the process that their bodies respond, too. That’s why we talk openly about the mind-body connection. We always recommend that community, counseling at times, journaling, mindful walks, prayer or meditation, and prioritizing rest can help intended parents stay grounded and present. Finding small rituals, like writing letters to their future child or keeping a journey journal, allows them to connect physically and emotionally to the experience, even from a step removed.
Ultimately, one of the greatest lessons of surrogacy is learning to redefine both success and control. Success isn’t about whether every step happens exactly as planned. It isn’t only about the baby placed in their arms at the end, though that moment is profoundly beautiful. Success is also found in the relationships built, in the resilience discovered, and in the hope sustained along the way. And control? In many ways, this journey invites everyone involved to loosen their grip and instead lean into trust. Trust in the team, trust in the process, and trust that they are being carried through something bigger than themselves.
At Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, we believe that surrogacy is about more than babies being born. It’s about the communities of love and support that are built around those babies, and the courage it takes to walk a path that is anything but simple. It’s about honoring the humanity of every person involved, because when we do that, families aren’t just created—they’re strengthened.
Learn more about Katy and Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions at www.CreateAHappyFamily.com
